What is in a Name!

What’s in a name!  Surely not much, or else Pakistan, literally the Land of the Pure, would not be ranked among the most corrupt countries in the world year after year by Transparency International, a neutral watchdog. 

Part-I 

What’s in a name!  Surely not much, or else Pakistan, literally the Land of the Pure, would not be ranked among the most corrupt countries in the world year after year by Transparency International, a neutral watchdog.  Nor would the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea be the most undemocratic regime in the contemporary world, starving the people in whose name it claims to govern.  We can only speculate whether the abortive state of Khalistan, the proposed Land of the Pure next door at whose altar Jarnail Singh Bhindarwale sacrificed his life, would have been an exemplar of good government.

When a 33-year old junior military officer in the West African state of Upper Volta seized power through a coup d’etat in 1983, he renamed it as Burkina Faso, which translates from the local language as Land of Incorruptible People, although there is nothing to indicate that Upper Voltans became more honest as a result of the change of name.

Sometimes the names of countries seem purposely designed to advertise what they lack or deny their citizens.  It is not a coincidence that the countries that officially call themselves “people’s republic” or “democratic republic” – and there are many such – usually have dictatorial and authoritarian governments.  The worst among them go overboard in this exercise in public deception.  Thus, despotic North Korea is People’s and Democratic (meaning “government by the people through their representatives”) and Republic (defined as “a state in which supreme power rests in the people”) at the same time.  The Lao People’s Democratic Republic is likewise characterized by authoritarian rule, while Libya, a one-man show, is officially the Socialist People’s Libyan Arab Jamahiriya (both socialist and jamahiriya derive from society/people). 

Joseph Stalin’s murderous regime flourished in the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, a high-sounding name that added the word soviet (“people’s council” in Russian) to socialist and republic.  There is a plethora of plain People’s Republics, of which the most well-known is the People’s Republic of China, where the people matter for very little.

The Cooperative Republic of Guyana, situated in the north of the South American continent, has not distinguished itself for any cooperative effort of any kind either on the domestic or the international front.  Further south on the same continent, there is the Oriental Republic of Uruguay, situated not in the orient but in the far occident, in what we refer to as the western hemisphere.

Three countries are named after their rulers, namely, Saudi Arabia (after the ruling Saud dynasty), the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan (for the reigning Hashemite family) and The Philippines (named in honour of Emperor Philip II of Spain, the then colonial power).  Thus, the rulers of Saudi Arabia would appear a bit self-serving when referring to themselves as Saudi patriots, and the expression Philippine nationalism seems a bit anomalous.

Three countries in West Africa compete for the same name – Guinea, Guinea-Bissau and Equatorial Guinea.  Vying with them are Guyana and French Guiana in South America and Papua New Guinea, to the north of Australia.  If this obsession with the name Guinea leads you to think that it conceals some well-kept secret or is a harbinger of good luck, then you are in for some disappointment.  At worst, it is a meaningless word of unknown origins, and, at best, it means “woman” in the Susu dialect of a coastal tribe of West Africa.

Nigerand Nigeria, which share borders, must be a nightmare for postal workers.  A slight misspelling or poor handwriting could carry the mail to the wrong country.  Similarly, in central Africa there are two contiguous Congos (Peoples Republic of Congo and the Democratic Republic of Congo).  Tourists beware when travelling to any of the above four countries, for a minor lapse in map-reading could well lead to deportation or worse.

No such worries with the Central African Republic.  Geographically precise, plain and unpretentious in name, in 1976 it was stricken by such pompousness that it renamed itself as the Central African Empire under self-styled Emperor Bokassa I, an army colonel who had seized power in 1965 through a coup.

The tiny island-state of Samoa (population 180,000) in the Pacific Ocean proclaims its independence in its name (“Independent State of Samoa”), probably to deter sea pirates.  For its part, San Marino (altogether 60 sq km of territory surrounded by Italy) calls itself the Most Serene Republic of San Marino, perhaps to attract tax dodgers of the world.

While most country names are historical accidents or misnomers of one kind or another, Iceland and Ivory Coast are remarkable for their directness and simplicity.  It’s as if Saudi Arabia called itself Oilistan or Petroland and the poor, desert nation of Mauritania was named Sandania.  If Iceland is an exercise in honesty, Greenland (a territory of Denmark) is an example of trickery.  Perpetually covered in thick layers of ice, it was deceptively so named by Erik the Red to lure his cold-stricken Danish compatriots into buying “farming” land on the island, from him of course. 

Hollandis officially The Nederlands (meaning “Low Lands” in Dutch) for no better reason than that most of it is situated below sea level.   By the same token Nepal should have been named The Mountain Kingdom or the HighLands.

To her own people, India is Bharat (from the ancient epic “Mahabharata”) or Hindustan (from “sindhu,” meaning river in Sanskrit), while Japan is Nippon (“Land of the Rising Sun”) to its inhabitants.  For the native Hans, China is Gongheguo, a geographical nonsense meaning “Middle Kingdom.”

The world’s sole superpower is named after a person, a foreigner to boot.  And that lucky man (or unfortunate man, depending on how one views the United States of America) is Amerigo Vespucci, the Italian navigator who in 1499 explored the northeast coast of South America, not Christopher Columbus who “discovered” it seven years earlier.

Yugoslavia (meaning Land of the Southern Slavs), put together by joining chunks from a demised empire with proud but problematic little Balkan states after the First World War, was so named to proclaim the solidarity and nationalism of the restive Slavs of the region, perhaps hoping for the best, but that helped little.  Hardly a soul in the world today would not know how poor Yugoslavia imploded with tragic consequences.

Isn’t it a wonder, then, that nations still treat their names not just as a matter of grave importance, but as something sacrosanct?

(Published in Daily Times, 8 July 2004)

Part-II

Some people take their names a bit too seriously, and none more so than ourselves.  When a child is born, names are proposed, some for their inherent meaning, others for their phonetic or literary beauty, but most often for their innate religious value.  It may be a while, a few weeks or months if not years, before a child’s name finally acquires a degree of permanence.

It is a common belief that names influence character. A London-based friend of mine, on the advice of his pir, changed the name of his “hot-tempered” adolescent son, which supposedly had a positive result.  I could not convince him that this change almost certainly would have occurred anyway as his son passed from childhood into adulthood.  

God knows how many Sharifuddins and Insaf Alis and Nek Mohammads have faced the hangman or are languishing in our jails for all manner of crime, from theft to fraud to rape to murder.  A few might even have lost a limb or two or have been made shorter by a head under the Islamic justice dispensed in Taliban’s Afghanistan and in Saudi Arabia. Nevertheless, we have a tremendous penchant for believing that good names result in good personalities and meritorious deeds.

When it comes to choosing names, the ninety-nine names of God are a ready and frequently tapped reservoir, as are names from early Islamic history.  A majority of names would appear to derive from these two sources. Thus, there is a plethora of Rahmans, Rahims, Khaliqs, Baris, Samads, Majids, Hameeds, Ghaffars and Ghafoors.  And Aishas, Khadijas, Fatimas, Safiyas, Zainabs, Alis, Umars, Abu Bakrs, Usmans, Hussains and Hassans.

But having attached these “sacred” names to our children, we can’t avoid treating them as just another name.  Thus, an angry parent, older sibling, relative, friend or playmate will be heard swearing at, or using abusive words or hurling profanities at them, by name, totally oblivious to their hallowed connection.  Mild versions (rendered in English to make them appear milder still) will go something like: “Aisha, are you mad?”  “Ali, you idiot!” or “How stupid of you, Hameed!”

Then there are the bombastic claims: Noor Jehan (light of the world), Mushir Alam (advisor of the world), Shams-ud-Din (sun of religion), Fakhr-e-Alam (pride of the world), Rahat-e-Alam (tranquility of the world), Ruhuddin (soul/spirit of religion), Ruhullah (soul/spirit of Allah), Noor Nabi (light of the Prophet), Qudratullah (prowess of Allah).  

Sher Khan, Kaleem Bahadur and Azad Choudhry advertise their courage and independence.  At the other end of the spectrum are the obsequious Kalb-e-Ali (Ali’s dog) and Abdur Rahman (slave of Rahman, which is a name of God).  The Allah Rakkhas (God save) and the Allah Dittas (God-given) would appear to be a bit unsure of their survivability in this cruel world, from their parents’ point of view at least.

Searching for a name in a phone directory is a nightmare, owing to the absence of a system of family names and the abundance of hereditary titles and honorifics such as Khan, Shah, Khwaja, Syed and Choudhry, which may appear either as a first or last name, and under various spellings.  Muhammad is a very popular addition to any name, but complicates name search, for again it might appear as a first name or last name, and in a multitude of spellings and abbreviations.  Then there are the many hyphenated names (with no particular rule), such as Qudrat-e-Khuda and Misbah-ul-Hassan.  International travel and television have now popularized the adoption of family names (from father and, for married women, from husband) but often it is the first name rather than the last (or family) name that is acquired.

Across the border, shame on a Sikh who is not a Singh (lion).  As a rule, they all are. Given that the Sikhs are a martial race, and rather proud of this epithet, the Singh thing must be intended to strike terror into the hearts of their enemies!  And since there is excess in every exercise, they have Zalim Singhs and Shaitan Singhs. Which makes it a bit scary.

Among Hindus, names embody caste and social status.  I once offended a Nepali professor, whom I had only met the previous day, by mistakenly addressing him by the name of his colleague.  When I tried to explain that this was a simple error on my part, he countered that this was not a simple matter, for while he was a Brahmin, his colleague was from a lower caste.  And how could I have confused the two names!  Laloo Prasad Yadav may be a power-broker and a central minister in India, but the name Yadav announces his humble origins to the entire nation.

While our names are a serious issue, often sacred and sometimes pompuous, western names are just that, to the extent that some of them could even be laughing matter. Consider these: Mrs Faithfull, Mr Henchman, Ms Fairweather, Mr Lightfoot, Ms Short, Mr Long, Ms Savage, Mr Sidebottom, Mr Cheese, Ms Thorn, Mr Lamb, Ms Cheer, Mr Crow, Ms Peacock, Mr Sparrow, Ms Drinkwater, Mr Blackstone, Mr Brown, Ms Black, Mr Weatherburn, Ms Red, Mr Crook, Mr Chance, Mr Rose and Ms Strange.  As for Ms Pickle, she gives me the tickle!

How about Dr Death, a psychologist named Apathy and a magistrate called Lawless?  No comments, please, on Mr Cockburn and Mrs Hiscock.  Mr Perfect, Mr Thoroughgood, Ms Angel and Mrs Good sound too good to be true!  Has anyone ever thought about the Urdu version of President Bush?  Then there are the down-to-earth ones, definitely no laughing matter: M/s Cheeseman, Carpenter, Butcher, Shoemaker, Cook, Tailor (Taylor), Judge, Bishop, Goldsmith, Magistrate, Mason and Shoesmith.

In France, Poubelle is an old surname (family name), but it (now) also means dustbin, after a Governor of Paris named Poubelle who, being a stickler for cleanliness, made sure that all rubbish was properly disposed off in dustbins, which he had laid out all over the city.  Irate citizens, not accustomed to this infringement of their liberty to scatter garbage just as they pleased, began to refer to the dustbins as Poubelles. 

Willing or not, Parisians were led by Mr Dustbin into transforming their city into one of the cleanest in the world.  Heaven knows that our towns and cities need mayors named Kuda Khans, not Khan Bahadurs.  They would be better served by Safai Sahabs rather than Sahabzadas, Nawabzadas and Choudhrys!

(Published in Daily Times, 15 July 2004)